by John Ahern

I once knew a woman who had the nefarious distinction that her name and her personality, were both contradictions in terms, a double hit of bad luck, you might say.

She was feeble both aesthetically and aurally, that is to say she was of slight and delicate build, and her name was Mrs Phi (Philomena) Bull.

But her personality was far from feeble, in fact it was horrendous after a few pints of lager & lime, to which she had easy access in her employ as a barmaid in a Highland hotel.

One night I watched two men, one of them sporting a crutch, having a joke at her expense, calling out "Hey Phyllis, a pint" (fill us a pint).

She eventually lost her temper and climbed over the bar, pushed the lame one off his stool, grabbed his crutch before he hit the floor and used it to smite his companion across the ear -WHACK!

I guess the moral here is "never judge a book by its cover NOR by its name!"

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Name & Nature, 28 December 2000