My Dog is a Humongous Ball of Fat

by Aaron Steinmetz

My dog is a humongous ball of fat.
If you even tap her, she makes shockwaves.
She has enough lard to fit in a vat.
It is the cream filled twinkies that she craves.
When she walks down the street, the pavement cracks.
The policemen do their best to stop her.
To stop her, blockades will be placed in stacks,
but they just get swiped away by her fur.
The city is in a pile of ruins.
People have no way to stop her at all.
Dead bodies are stacked in large piles of dunes,
the, now dying, world is about to fall.
In the end, though, the world won, by a node,
a kid poked her side, and she did explode.

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My Dog is a Humongous Ball of Fat, 4 April 1997